There is a glitch in our soul. Accept it or not, but it is there. The glitch is about something which equates to nothing. We can’t really figure out what this clinging glitch is all about, but we can’t either deny that it is there.
No matter how settled we seem to be in our life, this glitch doesn’t leave us, it clutches at our throat and makes us ask ourselves, “Where I am really going?” Irrespective of how many puzzles we might have solved in our life, we are still as lost as a lone wanderer in an endless forest. We come from nowhere and we are going nowhere. We are all boats to nowhere.
But only those who are lost can ever find their way. If you think you are not lost, that you’ve never been lost, then you can’t really find your way in life. And perhaps, then you don’t even need to find a way. But when we are on this journey, in this journey, the mind is a mysterious radio that keeps playing for us songs, news and stories all the time. It is our sole companion. Interestingly, in its everyday recordings, it also plays for us clues which might make us feel lesser lost. Call them insights and reflections.
Have you ever found yourself fascinated by the fact that the Hindi word for both ‘past’ and ‘ghost’ is the same, that is bhoota?
The past is a ghost. A shadow that chases us, lurking and hovering over our shoulders till the time we arrive at the point of death. It is so close to us as far we try to run away from it. It is this entity of our mind. Thoughts. The ideal people of the society usually don’t pay much attention towards the activity of this entity. They think it is a monster. They distract themselves from this monster. But the truth remains that whoever denies this monster turns out to be bigger a monster.
But even if
you turn back and look at this shadow, it means falling into a bottomless
abyss. Fighting with the shadows. Nietzsche says that,
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you. - Friedrich Nietzsche
We listen to the monster and we are troubled. And if we don’t listen to the monster, even then we’re troubled. We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. A comedy of errors.
But who escapes this fate after all? As we grow older, we allow ourselves to turn into this monster, a monster that is characterized by fear, guilt, anger, regrets, shame, obligations and morals. And we subconsciously begin to think that there is nothing more left in life.
We think and fantasize about happy memories of the past all the time as if at this moment we are already dead. Childhood was golden. Benchtop conversations with our friends. Paintings and summers and laughter and pink orange skies. Always grasping happy moments like a hungry and voracious creature, we are always at the edge of tumbling down the slope of disappointment. We look at the lives of others, compare, think and instantly get jolted downwards into the spiral of negative emotions.
Projecting unreal versions of ourselves and the others both in our thoughts and in our life, our reality, at all times is at the brink of collapsing, because, of course, most of our reality is fabricated around the faith we have on the people we are attached to. If this faith shudders, even a bit, our reality collapses too, leaving our heart beat faster and our pulse quicken, making us lose our sense of intellect over our impulses.
Amidst all this, somehow we get trained to count the missing digits in life. Disappointment becomes our natural state. And then we become psychopaths who attempt to lure others to believe in us, to trust us, to love and support us. Without this lure, we are big nobodys. Who I am, I don’t know anymore.
But you don’t need to fret if you believe that there is always a way out for those who are keen to find it. Then mere one streak of thought is enough to cut through the cluster of these powerful shadowy thoughts. If you think you are disappointed and wounded from life, then know that there is a phenomenon called as Stellar Nucleosynthesis. It means, when a star dies, then out of its crashing, a new star is born, a bigger one.
So, live as if you are a glittering supernova. Not a disappointed, fearful and anxious creature. Learn from the past, but also learn to let go of the past when it gets too heavy. Love somebody like they are your universe, become lost in this universe, but don’t be afraid to crash, collapse and rebuild a new universe for yourself if required.
If you always feel the glitch in your soul, you will soon become a glitch yourself. Hence, just let it dissolve. It will only dissolve if you offer it the acceptance, love and surrender it needs. Do not live your life as if you are a simulation, you are a real star after all irrespective of who you are, and whoever you are. Sparkle, and shine bright. Cast your own luminosity out into the dark cosmos.
You may be alone, but don’t be lonely. Be a good company first for yourself, and then you’ll become the same for others too. Do not cling to people like needy and sticky honeybee because in the end nobody likes it. Allow yourself to be loved by the universe by loving yourself first in a greater probability.
Each one of us is a mere permutation and combination of the universe’s mathematical design, but that’s what makes us unique. Beauty is in the flaws. Memorize and hold strong to this trigonometry formula, that, you are perfect just the way you are, with all your imperfections. A starling, a sterling being of infinite magnitude.
Past may be golden, but the future might be glittery if you allow it to be. Sunshine never lessens, it only gets concealed. I am the sun. You are the sun. We are walking each other home. And homecoming and resurrection is never possible without a little burning. Burn like the sun.
And in the
end,
Life is not
meant to be thought. Life is meant to be lived. And felt. So, let it be crazy, thrilling,
not less!
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