Skip to main content

Grow up but never grow up | Podcast #13 by Neha's Notebook

From Pokemon and Power Puff Girls pencil boxes and watching Popeye The Sailor Man to using sticky notes and planners, somewhere we grew up.

From playing all day in the sun to doodling lists and jotting in brain dump journals, somewhere we grew up.

As a child, we lived in our own make-believe world, and we believed that this world was real. We spoke to dolls, teddy bears and stuffed animals as if they were real characters in the movie of our life – a movie in which we were the hero. We talked with the night stars and the moon as if these interactions were real and someone was talking back to us. Stories were real. Monsters, fairies and dragons were real. There were gold coins at the end of the rainbow and there was treasure chest hidden somewhere in the grounds. Trees could talk to us and clouds made animal faces. All fiction was a reality.

As the clock ticked, the boats of competition and comparison sent us drifting downstream into the endless turbulence of worthiness. Our make-believe worlds shattered apart and got smudged under the spilled ink of darkness…

We were all blank pages. And somewhere we got coloured. While some colours were sweet, some others tasted bitter, and some sent us falling into the rollercoaster of shadows, and once afraid, we learned to run away from our shadows.

From nestling in the secure cocoon of our mother’s womb, we are all walking towards our respective tombs, and in between we find ourselves get entangled in catacombs – the catacombs of desires and fears and likes and dislikes. While we remain entangled in this never-ending catacomb of life, we try to find little escapes with zentangles and music and films. Stories and novels. Cuddling in warm blankets, brewing hot cups of coffee, tasting cookies and journaling about our everydays and know-hows.

As an infant, we didn’t need to fall in love. Because we were love itself. But soon enough, we end up losing ourselves bit by bit as we fell in love. We learned what was shame, what was anger and hate. Sometimes it was sweet when we found ourselves in love but sometimes it ended up breaking our heart. We learned to be jealous, to gossip and to listen to our mind more than our heart.

In between all this, somewhere we grew up.

We grew up.

Words were meant to be scribbled in neat letters in five-line notebooks, but soon enough ended up becoming flowers and arrows and much more than just plain scribbles. Words were meant to be uttered yawningly in the morning assembly from the school diary and we ended up listening to the utterings of the saints and the greats, ‘cause our innermost restlessness caused us to crave something more, something more. What was there was never enough.

Surely, somewhere we grew up.

But it is not a rule that when our hair turns white, we too need to abandon the colors of our life. Not at all. Then, why do we? The cup of morning coffee is bound to get colder with the passing time, but it is no rule that humans too need to become colder as they grow older. The only silver line between colder and older is c. So, just see. Just see yourself and the glory of life. As the time goes on, undo the conditioning of time and persist in seeing the world the way you used to see it as a child. As a toddler. Be your own rainbow paintbox. Look at everything as if you are seeing it for the first time. Explore, not just experience.

Seek jobs but also seek joy. Play games but don’t forget your innate playfulness. Let your heart break, but let the brokenness heal too. Fall apart but don’t be scared to rise up again. Learn to love, but also learn to let go.

As you get toasted in the toaster of life, become crisp and delicious but don’t burn yourself out.

Unwear the cap of comparison and free yourself.

Grow up in your knowledge but never grow up in your superiority.

Grow up in intelligence but never grow up in your deepest emotion.

Grow up in your words but never grow up in your feelings.

Grow up in etiquettes but never grow up in mischief.

Grow up in relationships but never grow up in love.

Grow up as an adult but never grow up in your childlikeness.

Grow up but never grow up!

Comments